Laptop Oblivion

I've been there.

No, not on a flight deck working on my laptop while 149 souls are cluelessly confident that I am flying the airplane. But I've experienced what total absorption in a computer screen can do.

It can cause a flood in your kitchen, that spreads down the hall to your bedroom and renders kitchen and bathroom cabinets waterlogged and hazardous. Admittedly not as serious as forgetting to land an Airbus 320, but serious, nonetheless. And very expensive. And really embarrassing.

One morning last spring I was trying to do too many things at once. I had a busy day planned. I wanted to clean up a few dishes in the kitchen before moving on to other things. I started filling the sink with water. "I'll just quick check my e-mail while the sink is filling," I said to myself. One thing led to another.

45 minutes later a background noise that sounded like a waterfall nudged my consciousness. It WAS a waterfall. As I ran to the kitchen, my shoes made squishy sounds in the hall carpet. Rounding the corner, I witnessed my dishwater cascading down the cabinet to the floor, as pretty and as destructive as you please.

Several days of industrial fans running 24/7 followed. I almost checked into a hotel. Blessedly, the fans were finally silenced by workers who determined they could now proceed putting me back together. Three large bookcases had to be emptied. Furniture moved. Cabinets cleaned out. Did I mention that I live in a 1200 sq. ft. townhouse? Every dry surface was covered with stuff. And I lost all my cookbooks!

Several weeks later, the $7,000 ordeal was over. The condominium association insurance has a $10,000 deductible per incident. Thankfully, by the grace of God, I had purchased "gap" insurance so my personal exposure was only a $500 deductible. However, the insurance company was not pleased that I had done such a stupid thing (my words, not theirs) and sent me a letter saying if I had any more claims they would "review" my coverage and possibly terminate it. You'd think I was a frequent claimant, to use airline parlance. This was the first and only insurance claim I have ever had!

So you see I can relate to the conundrum these two hapless Northwest pilots find themselves in. My consequences pale in comparison to theirs. But I can see how it happened.

I've been there.

Just a minute . . . I've got to go check on a noise.

An Airline by any other name . . .

I wasn't going to comment on the most viral story since last week's home-made weather balloon, and yet I find myself propelled (no pun intended) to my computer to add just one more comment to the noise.

Isn't it interesting, that in virtually every account, the errant pilots are identified as Northwest Pilots, and the flight that overshot the Twin Cities as Northwest Flight 188?

It is clear that Delta, the biggest airline in the world, who became that big by gobbling up Northwest, wants no part of this.

Delta, Northwest's owner, the same airline that can't wait to erase every last vestige of Northwest identity from the public view, is not identified until the ninth paragraph of the story, if at all.

I just find that interesting.

P.S. I guess this event proves I really do live in "flyoverland" after all. Sorry, this time the pun is intended.

"What are you running, an airline or a whorehouse?"

United Airlines

The title of this blog is what Representative Martha Griffiths said in a 1964 Congressional hearing, after airline executives testified that it was imperative for businessmen that attractive women light their cigars and fix drinks.

I came across this gem in Amy Bloom's review of Gail Collins' new book "When Everything Changed," in The New York Times this week.

In it she chronicles American women's social and political history, and uses the experience of flight attendants to illustrate one of the ways our world has changed since then. When the Equal Employment Opportunity Commission was established, Collins tells us, its first complainants were stewardesses, and airline executives found themselves in Congressional hearings.

Sadly, it was too late for Lady Skywriter, who had to "retire" four years earlier in 1960 because she got married. Had she not gotten married, she could have kept her job until her 32nd birthday, when she would have had to "resign" due to old age. But by then the rules would have changed and who knows? She might still be flying the Orient today, alongside Bob Reardon, who is still flying for NWA, ... er Delta, at 85 years of age.

Bob Reardon and Bonnie Vork in the galley of a Boeing Stratocruiser in 1957

Fujiyma rays & Oshibori Towels, recalling a time when passenger flight was an adventure and the Boeing Stratocruiser ruled the skies by Anne Billingsley Kerr now available on Amazon.

Hurled Through Time and Space: Concorde Episode 5: Fine Dining at Twice the Speed of Sound

After the appetizer and salad courses, our dinner tray arrived. Dressed with five pieces of silverware and a Concorde linen napkin, each tray had an individual china butter dish and salt and pepper shakers, and was decorated with a fresh carnation with a pin, should we elect to wear it. We did.

The dinnerware was white china, banded in silver and black. We had earlier made our selection of entree, having to decide between Three Filets, "Fillets of beef, lamb and pork, seared on a hot griddle and flavoured with a light savoury gravy" - or - Salmon with Chablis, "Poached Scottish salmon finished in Chablis sauce enhanced with Beluga caviar." (Diane, as before, was the happy recipient of my caviar.) As we tucked into our salmon, we were holding altitude at 51,000 ft. and speed at Mach 2:00; twice the speed of sound.

At 1320 London time we had 2300 miles to go. Our altitude was 52,000 ft. Still at Mach 2:00. Our entree trays were removed and dessert was on the way. We soon were enjoying "a variety of fresh fruit and berries set in a light Champagne gelee," with "a selection of English Stilton, Farmhouse Cheddar and French Tomme de Savoie cheese with butter, crackers and crudites."

As we finished dessert, we were at 53,500 ft. with 1470 miles to go. Soon coffee, laced with four-star brandy, arrived with a selection of chocolates. Our outside temperature read minus 57 degrees celsius.

Each of us was presented with a scale model of a Concorde about 10 inches long.

Next post: Hurled Through Time and Space: Concorde Episode 6: What 60,000 ft. looks like from the flight deck.

Hurled Through Time and Space: Concorde Episode 3: Boarding The Airplane

Loathe to leave the sumptuous Concorde Lounge at Heathrow, but eager to board the Concorde itself, we entered through a jetway that bore absolutely no resemblance to any jetway we'd seen before. This one was large, with windows, and plush carpeting underfoot.

We found ourselves ushered into a small, but very elegant airplane cabin; its interior tastefully decorated in shades of grey with touches of red. Our seats were grey leather!

Digital displays on the forward bulkheads would give us readouts throughout the flight of airspeed, altitude and outside temperature.

We were given a packet containing a small leather journal, a book about the Concorde and In-Flight magazines. Upon getting settled in our seats we were presented with a beautiful large menu (more about this later), which I still have today. We ordered champagne to be served after takeoff (our second glass of the morning-remember the lounge?) and were then given hot Oshibori Towels, presented with silver filigreed tongs, so we could freshen up before takeoff.

Next, our French Food Service Director (who seemed to be the senior cabin attendant) introduced the rest of the crew and announced that meal service would begin 40 minutes after the takeoff roll. Why, oh why, when I took such meticulous notes about events, did I not think to record the names of the crew members?

The four Rolls-Royce Snecma Olympus 593 engines provided 38,000 lbs. of thrust at take-off for each engine. The surge of acceleration pressed us into our plush leather seats. We knew we were in for the ride of our lives when we broke ground and immediately began climbing at an astonishing rate.

Next Post: Hurled Through Time and Space: Concorde Episode 4: The "Being Hurled" Part

Hurled through Time and Space: Episode 2: Concorde Lounge - Heathrow Airport - London - 1988

The Concorde experience begins long before takeoff, in the special lounge for Concorde passengers at Heathrow Airport, London.

Very spacious, and with conversation groups of overstuffed furniture and marble-topped tables, the focal point of the lounge was a buffet about 12 ft long along one wall. The buffet was laden with fruit juices in crystal pitchers, steaming coffee and pots of tea ready for Wedgewood cups and saucers. Open bottles of champagne and wine stood in ice buckets, and every conceivable call-brand of spirits and beer, including after-dinner cordials, awaited our selection.

It was early in the morning, so Diane elected to have coffee.

Copious amounts of croissants and sweet pastries snuggled into lace doilies, and bagles and toast, ready for top-of-the-line jellies and jams, tempted us.

Given the early hour, we resisted the amazing variety of alcoholic beverages and, both having finally freed ourselves from old devil nicotine, the various brands of cigarettes adorning end tables. We appreciated, however, the selection of daily newspapers from major cities around the world.

Next post: Boarding the Concorde.

Hurled Through Time and Space: Episode 1: Concorde Flight 9091, June 26, 1988, London to New York

From the Flight Deck:

"Our flight time today, London to New York, will be 3 hours, 17 minutes. We'll be flying at an altitude of 58,000 ft. (almost 12 miles high). We'll be taking off on runway 9-R at full power with the afterburners on. Shortly after the takeoff roll afterburners off. We will fly at .95 the speed of sound to Bristol and supersonic after that. We will reach Mach 2:00 at an altitude of 60,000 ft."

No, I don't have an incredible memory. I had the presence of mind 21 years ago to record this awesome experience in a little leather journal embossed in silver with the Concorde logo. It was just one of the many gifts we were given during the flight and I am so grateful that I chose to put it to use immediately. My way of trying to "bottle" the experience. I think it worked!

I ran across the journal this week while mourning the death of my dear friend and travel companion, Diane Goulett. She and I celebrated our respective retirements by taking what we called "the trip of a lifetime." We sailed to Southampton on the QEII, spent 10 wonderful days hanging out in London and returned home on a BOAC Concorde. (I must note here that we eventually added the Orient Express to our exotic transport modes.) We delighted in the fact that it took us 5 days to sail from New York to Southampton on the QEII and 3.25 hours returning on the Concorde.

Tomorrow: the Concorde Lounge at Heathrow Airport.

It's May: from Ellen Church to . . . Pet Airways?

On May 15, 1930, registered nurse Ellen Church went on duty aboard an Oakland-to-Chicago flight operated by Boeing Air Transport (a forerunner of United Airlines) thus becoming the first airline stewardess.  (She beat me out by about two and a half decades!)

On May 12, 2009, NPR's Morning Edition did a story about "an airline going to the dogs ... and cats"  All animals that fly will be called "pawsengers" and have a "pet attendant" to ease their travel, says airline co-founder Alysa Binder.  Pet Airways will begin operations this July in Los Angeles, New York, Washington, Chicago and Denver.

I wonder what Ellen Church would have to say about being a "pet attendant?"